American Idol Champions of Tortall
by Sheppo
Summary: what happens hen our heroes and heroines compete in American Idol? Chaos is bound to show, especially when Alanna and Neal are forced to sing. rated for possible later scenes.


**A/N: **My amazingly, wonderful cousin helped me come up with songs for characters. And thanks to my wonderful Beta, Cassie Winchester. Thanks to my friends to letting me use their names and personalities.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Including the song lyrics. Don't sue. Although in this fic I own my friends characters, by their good will.

American Idol: Champions of Tamora Pierce

Rosie: Welcome to the new season of American Idol! I'm your new host Rosie Angelo. Here we are in Fort Giantkiller for our auditions in from the King's Own and the knights who are currently stationed here for the end of the war with the Scanrans.

cheers from the Own when they see the camera aimed at them

Rosie: I'd like to introduce you to our judges for this season. Please welcome: Sasha, Empress of Earth and its Heavens, who just happens to be an amazing singer.

cheers

Rosie: Alonza, World Class Assassin;

cheers and invitations for sparring matches

Rosie: Alex, my meathead of a cousin –

Neal: Hey that's my name!!!

Laughter from the Own

Rosie: - who will be producing the season's album;

cheers

Rosie: - and Marie, world class singer and the woman who will be in charge of producing the winner's album.

cheers

Rosie: Our first contestant is Baron George Cooper.

Alonza: Welcome Cooper. Who is this woman that is with you?

Alanna: I'm the King's Champion and George's wife, Alanna.

Alex: I'm sorry for that, Lady Alanna. What are you singing for us George?

George: I'm going to sing "Heels Over Head" by Boys Like Girls. It's dedicated to my wife Alanna.

Marie: Let's hear it, then.

George: Ok.

I got you run away smile in the piggy bank baby

Gonna cash it right in for a new Mercedes,

You were worth a hundred thousand miles,

But you couldn't stay a while

I got your little brown shirt in my bottom drawer baby

Your little white socks in my top drawer

You were always leaving your shit around

Gone with out a sound

And I'm the first to fall

Last to know

Where you'd go...

Marie: Well what do you know? The former thief can sing.

Alanna: George a former thief??? What do you mean former?

Sasha: Hey you know how to pick locks right? When can you show me?

Alex: Sasha now is not the time. Here's your ticket to Port Caynn.

Alonza: Is Alanna going to audition?

Alanna: I don't know how I got talked in to this, but yes I am.

Keladry: You wanted me to try out Lioness an-

Neal: And Kel said she would only if you did. And then I backed her up.

Alanna: Oh, alright then. I guess I'm trapped in this. I'm going to sing "One of the Guys" by Terri Clark.

Kel, Neal and Raoul all laugh hysterically along with the rest of the Own

Alanna: You all better get silent fast because the last person laughing faces me in the courts tomorrow morning!

There is immediate silence from all except for a certain blue-eyed sergeant.

Alanna: I'll see you in the courts tomorrow Domitian. And if uyou even try to "conveniently forget" I'll be sure to send Jump, Sir Meathead, and the sparrows to wake you.

Dom: I'll be there, Lioness.

Alonza: Can we get along with the song now, please?

Alanna: Do you want to meet me on the courts tomorrow too?

Sasha: She will be otherwise engaged. If you're going to sing please do so.

Alanna: since you asked so nicely…

Hood up, bent over that carburetor

I skinned my knuckle, damn that hurt

Got a six-pack chillin' on ice for later

And grease all over my white t-shirt

My brother taught me how to throw a curve ball

The cheerleading thing never felt quite right

When it comes to high fashion I hit a brick wall

This girl is just one of the guys.

Marie: Well, wrap me up and label me shocked. The girl can sing.

Alonza: How good are you at knives? I want to improve my aim but I keep beating everyone I meet.

Alanna: I can throw a knife. I think my husband might be a tad better, but I'll help you.

Alex: Alanna, you can come to Port Caynn as long as you don't challenge anyone or threaten anyone with a duel. Agreed?

Alanna: Agreed. I want to win just to say I can do it.

George: That's my lass.

Alanna: Lady Knight, I believe that you're up.

Kel: Oh, alright. I'll be singing "Face Down" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

Dom: I didn't know that you knew that song Kel.

Kel: There are a lot of things you don't know Dom. You would know them however if you showed up at the practice courts before dawn like Yuki and I do.

Neal: You get up before dawn???

Yuki: Yes, Nealan. I practice with Kel, wash and then come and wake you up.

Dom: You didn't realize that your wife got up before dawn, Meathead? Wow! That's bad even for you.

Sasha: If no objects, I'd like to hear Kel sing.

Kel: Oh I'm sorry. I totally forgot. Ok here we go.

Hey, girl, you know you drive me crazy  
one look puts the rhythm in my hand.  
Still I'll never understand why you hang around  
I see what's going down.

Cover up with makeup in the mirror  
tell yourself, it's never gonna happen again  
you cry alone and then he swears he loves you.

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?  
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?  
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end  
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

Alonza: Huh! The Lady Knight can really sing.

Neal: Well Domitian? What do you think of our Protector?

Dom: -

Yuki: My, my. Poor Domitian is speechless. Great job Kel! I knew you could sing but I didn't know you could sing like _that._

Kel: It's nothing. I get it from Mother.

Marie: Welcome to Port Caynn. I hate that song, but you pulled it off.

Alanna: Kel, was that directed to any one in particular?

Kel: Uh… I think that Meathead should go now.

Yuki: Nice way to avoid the question Kel.

Kel: Neal what are you singing?

Neal: Well, Dom and I are singing "Tango: Maureen" from the musical RENT.

Dom: We are…? Ow! Fine, we're singing "Tango: Maureen". But Neal I get to be Mark.

Neal: Ok fine. When ever you're excellent honors are ready.

Alonza: We're ready.

Marie: We're past ready.

Sasha: We were ready yesterday.

Neal: Ok then.

Dom and Neal: (_Neal's singing is italicized_, and **Dom's is Bold**)

_The simples won't delay, but the cables_

**There's another way**

**Say something, anything**

_Test 1, 2, 3_

**Anything but ****that**

_This is weird_

**It's weird**

_Very weird_

**Fucking weird**

_I'm so mad that I don't know what to do_

_Fighting with microphones_

_Freezing down to my bones_

_And to top it all off_

_I'm with you_

**Feeling like going insane**

**Got a fire in your brain**

**And you're thinking of drinking gasoline**

_As a matter of fact_

**Honey I know this act**

**It's called the 'Tango: Maureen'**

Alonza: Enough! Enough! That was enough! One of you was amazing and one of you was passable. What is with people picking music from RENT?

Marie: I don't know, but the ones who pick it are really good at making the song their own.

Sasha: I agree. Dom welcome to Port Caynn.

Marie: I agree. Nealan go sing at a bar.

Rosie: Ok. Now the lovely Yuki from the Copper Isles will sing for us.

Yuki: Ok I will be singing "Girlfriend" sung by Avril Lavigne.

Kel: You listen to Avril Lavigne.

Yuki: Blame Buri.

Hey, hey

You, you

I don't like your girlfriend

No way, no way

I think you need a new one

Hey, hey

You, you

I could be your girlfriend

Hey, hey

You, you

I know that you like me

No way, no way

You know it's not a secret

Hey, hey

You, you

I want to be your girlfriend

You're so fine, I want you mine

You're so delicious

I think about you all the time

You're so addictive

Don't you know what I can do to make you feel alright, alright…

Marie: That's good. I don't even like that song but you made me like it.

Sasha: I agree.

Alonza: I liked it; welcome back to Port Caynn.

Alex: Will you teach me how to use a _shukusen?_

Buri: Wow, Yuki! I didn't think you were going to sing that song.

Yuki: I learned the song from you Buri. When you made me listen to her CDs NON-stop!! For three days straight!

Buri: That's because you kept zoning out. And she's a great singer.

Yuki: Did you ever realize that when her latest CD came out I had just married Neal?

Buri: Wha-? Oh! You had just gotten married hadn't you?

Yuki: Yeah. Kinda. I think in repent for forcing it on me for three days you should go next.

Buri: Ok. Fine. I'll suffer though singing a song. But don't blame me if its … odd.

Raoul: We wouldn't expect anything else from you dear.

Buri: I'm going to pretend you didn't say that Raoul, especially since you get to go after me.

Alonza: I love banter just as much as the next person, but can someone please sing….NOW?

Buri: Don't get your bloomers in a twist. I'm going to sing "Wanted Dead or Alive" by Chris Daughtry.

Alex: Oh, I loved it when he was on idol. He was amazing. Let's hear your song.

Buri: Ok. Here I go.

It's all the same, only the names will change  
Everyday it seems we're wasting away  
Another place where the faces are so cold  
I'd drive all night  
Just to get back home

I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride  
I'm wanted dead or alive  
Wanted dead or alive

Kel: Yeah, BURI!!

Dom: Good one Buri.

Neal: I didn't know she could sing like that.

Buri: You haven't heard anything yet Meathead. You haven't heard Thayet sing yet. She has the voice of a –

Raoul: Buri… I don't think Thayet is trying out, so there is no reason to explain this to them.

Alanna: Oh Raoul. She and Yuki have a bet going on who can get farther.

Kel: Yuki that's not fair. You know that her majesty can't sing.

Yuki: I know, but she started it. I can't tell my friend 'no' to a little friendly wager, now can I?

Neal: What? Am I hearing this correctly? My Yamani Blossom is in the betting pool?

Dom: She has been for a while Neal. Who do you think all of the men in the Own are losing their money to? No one will bet Kel anymore, she keeps finding out how the bets are placed and then she and who ever she is fighting rig things. So the men started to bet with Yuki.

Kel: Dom, should I tell the Own who keeps telling me the odds of the bets?

Dom: I don't know what you are talking about, milady.

Alex: Hey Dom. I want to work out with the Own in the Morning when and where do you guys meet?

Dom: We meet two bells after dawn in the courts, ma'am

Alonza: Thank you, sergeant. I say she goes to Port Caynn.

Marie: I agree she has wonderful pitch and I think she will keep the competition lively. Lord Raoul, your turn.

Dom: Yes, sir. Please sing us a little tune.

Raoul: Dom if you still want to tease me you can meet me in the jousting before you fence with Lady Alanna in the morning.

Dom: Bu-

Kel: Leave it Dom.

Alex: What are you doing to sing my lord?

Raoul: Well, I'd thought –

Alanna: Since when does Raoul think?

Raoul: I'd sing "This Love" by Maroon 5.

Sasha: Finally. An original thought.

Alex: Please go ahead.

Raoul: Ok. But you can't say I didn't warn you.

This love has takin' its toll

On me

She said goodbye

Too many times before

Her heart was breakin' in front of me

But I had no choice

I couldn't say goodbye anymore

Alex: Ok! That's enough.

Sasha: Great song. Bad singing.

Marie: I agree with Sasha. That'll have to be a no.

Alex: Sorry my lord. I can sing better than that.

Rosie & Alonza: NO you CAN'T!!!

Marie: Are you out of your mind?!?!

Sasha: Alex the only one worse than you is Rosie.

Rosie: HEY!!

Alex: Well at least I can sing better than Rosie.

Rosie: And with that note, thanks fo-

Neal: Hey that was a pun wasn't it??

Dom: Yes, Meathead. That was a pun.

Yuki: Neal, I thought that you were the one that went to the University not Dom.

Neal: I did go to the University!!

Rosie: Thanks for joining us! Next week we go to Pirate's Swoop to meet more people for auditions.

cheers


End file.
